When You Feel Like Sending Them to "Real" School

Written by Jessica.

It’s January, and many of us are in the heart of mid-winter: cold weather, short dark days, cabin fever from being cooped up inside. As an unapologetic homebody, I happen to love the way winter calls for cozy, quieter living with my family. I like the restart and the self-reflection that comes with January, too. But there’s no question that mid-winter is a tough time of year for educators of all sorts. If you’re a homeschool mom who never truly steps away from juggling your parent and teacher roles, that can be even truer.

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For in mid-winter, the school year is about halfway over. That benchmark can fill some with feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, or dread. There’s the whole second other half of the school year to get through! How am I going to do this?

Others may be filled with discouragement or even panic. This school year isn’t going the way I thought it would. How can I reset and make up for lost time with only half a school year left?

Mid-winter is the time of year when our fear can be bigger than our faith. The things that aren’t working, the life circumstances that are less than ideal, our insecurities about what we’re doing – all of these things can grow larger in our minds than they should. This is the first in a two-part series that will look at some of the worries that homeschooling parents have next to the realities of traditional school.

If you are tempted to throw in the towel and think that big yellow school bus going down the road looks like an appealing option right now, I want to gently pushback against your doubts:

“I’m not qualified to teach my kids. They’d be better off with a professional teacher.”

I have a Master’s in elementary education and many years of classroom teaching under my belt. I’m not going to lie and say that isn’t helpful as a homeschooler. It is. It’s helpful to know the lingo. It’s helpful to have varied experiences to draw from. It’s helpful to have my degree as a fallback (because nothing shuts-up a naysayer like, “I have a Master’s in teaching and used to teach in the classroom. So my kids and I are all good – thanks.”)

The truth, though, is that my degree is not what makes me a good teacher for my own kids. I’m a good teacher for my kids because I love and know them better than anyone else
...because I’m passionate about home education and am committed to giving them the best
...because I’m willing to keep researching and keep learning myself so that I can meet their educational needs
...because I’m willing to and choose to work hard
...because I know my limits and realize that for some subjects and interests, they’ll occasionally need to learn from others who have more expertise than me.
And in your homeschool, you are bringing similar gifts to your own children.

I worked in the same school for five years. I worked with a lot of amazing and hard-working teachers that could inspire anyone. I also worked with many mediocre ones. I worked with still more that I wouldn’t want near my own kids with a ten-foot pole because they weren’t good or decent people in real life. Four or five years of college, teacher-training, and passing exams aren’t what makes a good teacher; that’s just how you earn a degree. If you believe in the merits of homeschooling, want to give your children an excellent education, and are willing to work very hard, you can teach your own children--no degree required.

“My kids are spending too much time waiting. I can’t meet everyone’s needs because of ______ (the multiple ages…the new baby…so-and-so’s special needs…the big age span of my kids…the number of children we have).”

Homeschooling my three kids at times feels equally, if not more, challenging than teaching an entire classroom of kids. That sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. So I fully understand the worry that comes from seeing your kids having to wait for their one-on-one learning time. But here’s the reality: there is no perfect educational model, and kids are going to have to wait no matter where they learn.

My kids could wait riding to and from school, for school to begin, and for the afternoon buses to arrive. They could wait during attendance and lunch count. They could wait while the teacher deals with behavioral problems, assists with illness or medical emergencies, breaks up fights, resolves disagreements, or comforts crying or upset students. They could wait while the teacher gathers schoolwork for the classmate who’s going home sick or helps a student find their misplaced materials or catches up a student who’s returned from an absence. They could wait during fire drills and school assemblies and fundraising drives. They could wait while the teacher does on-the-spot conferences with parents in the hallway or answers colleagues’ pop-in questions in the doorway. They could wait for their turn to give an answer, to have their question answered, to have their work checked, or to have a few minutes of one-on-one time with the teacher. Yes, that is one way to do waiting.

Or, they could wait at home. Here, I combine some subjects and make accommodations as needed, but my children do handwriting, math, reading, spelling, grammar, writing, and journaling all at their own grade level. And when it’s not their turn to work with me, they do have to wait. Ideas like this can help, but often my kids just play together or pursue their own interests. This used to unnerve me.

Now that I have homeschooled longer than I taught in the classroom, I can finally say that I have unlearned how to do school. That is not the only way to learn. There is merit in a twenty-minute or less lesson targeted directly to the child’s needs and abilities rather than a forty-minute lesson to a whole group. There is merit in free play, white space, an excess of play-time, and time to pursue individual interests at leisure during childhood. Your kids are going to have to wait no matter where they learn. Let it be the best kind of waiting that you can choose for them.

“Our family is going through a hard time because of _____. Maybe the kids would be better off at school.”

2018 was not our family’s finest year. It was filled with unrealized hopes, unforeseen events, challenges, loss, and sadness. Perhaps you are going through something much more difficult, or maybe you’re experiencing a happy event that is still life-altering.

In the relatively short five years that I taught at one school, my colleagues (and sometimes I) experienced all of the following: spouse’s job loss, moving, home emergencies, conflict with family members, serious financial problems, infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy, birth of new child, juggling work and family with taking classes, infidelity, marriage difficulties, divorce, death of a close family member, long-term illness/care of a close family member, terminal illness and death of child, suicide of adult child, life-altering illness of spouse, cancer or other long-term treatment for self or a close family member, sudden death of spouse, car and other accidents, and surgeries. Almost all of these things resulted in repeated time away from work or a long-term leaves of absence. 

I share this to remind you that teachers in traditional schools are not exempt from life’s challenges, hardships, or tragedies just because they are teachers. They are ordinary people who, at times, have serious problems or significant life events going on in their personal lives, and the effects of those things going on can spill over into a classroom in many ways.

For some families, taking a break from homeschooling may, in fact, be exactly what a family needs to get through a very difficult time. In other cases, keeping the children home and in the routine that they’ve always known is best for them. During a season of loss this past year, my husband and I were repeatedly grateful for the opportunities that homeschooling gave our family to be together, to nurture, and to walk through a painful time privately and unhurriedly. Life’s trials while homeschooling can sometimes be an opportunity to impart lessons and values and to draw closer as a family.

It is the heart of mid-winter--a challenging time of year to homeschool through. If you feel discouraged and want to throw in the towel, remember that the grass really isn’t always greener. Keep pressing on, have confidence in what you’re doing, and let your faith be bigger than your fears.

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If you are drenched in doubt and filled with fear, be sure to check out my new book, Homeschool Bravely: How to Squash Doubt, Trust God, and Teach Your Child With Confidence. It will help point you to the courage that you need to finish strong and give you the tools to do it well. 

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